An Open Letter to someone I've held so dear

Dear A

  I'm writing this, so you can get a clear picture. I doubt I'll ever be able to explain the whole situation to you face to face, so I needed another way to tell you. First of all, I don't hate you. Sure, I can't deny, you've hurt me. A lot. No one has ever cut a wound so deep into me. But I can never bring myself to hate you. I might be angry for what happened but that will never last long.

You see, I really appreciate what we had. And I'm really grateful to have met you. You stepping into my life, really brightens up everything. I've learned a lot throughout the 8 months we've spent together. We had our ups and we had our downs, but I regret none. In fact I'm really grateful God managed to make our paths cross. To be frank, I never expected us to end so abruptly. I never expected you to crash everything down just when I was building my hopes really up high for us. When I really felt we were going somewhere because I managed to bring you into my family, you just cut everything off. I fell down to the worst depression in my entire life.

 But that's the beauty in life. Life pushes us down and lets us fall and be alone. Why? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

I walk around, I drive around, places reminds me of you, the events that unfolded in each places, the times we spent together in each and every one of the places. But I'm not sad, I'm not angry, well at least not anymore. Quite the contrary, whenever things and places reminds me of you, I smile. I smile because I know I had a beautiful life experience with you. I smile because I remember the good times, I smile because I knew back then life was great.

 But let's be honest, we both know no matter what happens, we won't be able to relive that again. I don't care about it either. They are beautiful memories. And memories should forever stay as memories. I'll never forget each and every one of the times I've spent with you.

You really were the best for me.

But times have changed, time have made me cold, time have made me realize that I've been slacking from the real world. Time made me realize how much I've been lacking in my studies, and how much I'm just not dealing with the real life. Our fairytale ended, I brought myself up to face the real world.

I wish I could say I want you back. But I can't. Because I just don't feel it anymore. The pain of everything that's happened just prevents me from doing so. But still, don't get me wrong, I don't hate you at all. For the forseeable future, I can't see us getting back together at all. And even somehow if we do, things won't be the same.

 Therefore, I'm writing you to wish you all the best in your next chapter of your life. It's time to close our chapter. It was a hell of a fun ride, exciting and amazing. But everything has got to come to an end. And I don't want it to end in a very bad way.

We both will walk on, we both will live on. We both will learn to love again someday. I know you're looking to replace me and such, but you should know I'm not looking to replace you. In fact, I'm not looking for anyone at all. All I'm focusing right now is my studies. I know for a fact that you're irreplaceable. I know for a fact that I will probably never find someone that would ever treat me as good as you did. But I'm prepared to live with that.

The good times, no matter how good they were, they are gone. Long gone. But I'll forever cherish them. They are a part of who I am today, and who I am in the future. Thank you for stepping into my life and making me a better person.

 I know you'll find someone in the future. I don't know if it might actually be me again (though I can't see that happening for now). All I wish is for you to be happy. Because you deserve to be happy. And yes, I do care about you. You played a big role in my life. And significant people in my past will always have a place in my heart.

 All I'm asking for you is to take good care of yourself and don't beat yourself up because of what happened. Life doesn't revolve around a relationship. And if one day by any chance you wanna grab a drink or anything just give me a ring and we'll see if we can meet up.

 Till then, good luck and thank you. For everything, from the bottom of my heart.


 I hereby close down this blog, for good.

                                                                                                                                                      ZAIN

it kinda hurts that you're not reading any of this any more, but then again you have no obligation to do so

i don't think you read any of these anymore but what the heck

Just came back from the police station. Fucked up day. Wish you were here to hug me and calm me down.

We could have reached 8 months

Time

I cannot heal you with reasons, you won't listen. But time, time can heal anything. And so I'm letting time work it's magic on you. Don't worry, as long as we both love each other; (and we both know we do), I'll still be here waiting for you. Time will tell.

Life is unfair

It's unfair how you're out with your friends and family, I'm inside my room all locked up. Haven't been opening the curtain for ages. This darkness, it used to be scary but now it seems like a friend. You know how you get the feeling that in darkness someone is watching you? Well that thought gives me pleasure knowing that there is actually someone. I don't want to be alone. You're probably having the time of your life. You're probably laughing at me for being so pathetic if you're reading this. You've made progress in moving on. You have other people to make you laugh. Me? I don't even know when was the last time I smiled or laughed. Oh yeah that's right, I remember, it was in your car. Laughed and smiled while crying. I'm not asking for pity. I'm not asking you to feel sorry. But please rethink everything. If you really love me you wouldn't let me become a victim of racism and prejudice, you would've shielded me from all that. Where is the person who's stood up for me throughout all our 7 months. What happened. Don't give up on me. Don't give up on us. I'm enraged at the thought of the holidays ending at 1 July. That's a long time. A long time away from you. What if we start college and all I can see in you was someone I used to know. What if you've found another. I've planned my holidays around you. Now I'm left rueing of what could have been. We could have been having breakfast lunch or dinner. We could be having a night in a hotel and just enjoy ourselves swimming in the pool or ordering room service. We could have gone to the beach maybe enjoying a sunset. But now you have all that planned with your friends. I have my holidays spending time in my room punching walls and screaming. Crying listening to music. Is this what happened to you when you brokeup with your ex? I guess so. Maybe because that time he was with all your friends while you were alone. Now it's vice versa. I don't have any friends. They have their own life. They have their own girlfriends. They have problems with their girlfriends and they would ask me for advice. They would hate their girlfriends and call them a bitch etc. I would just scream at them and say they should be fucking grateful they have someone by their side. They should put their ego down and look at things in a fairer way. But the truth is, nothing is fair. Nothing at all. Especially the way I was treated. The way I was brought through all this. Save me.